Love and Kundalini in Chicago

Love and Kundalini In Chicago

(This blog is  part II  following Fear and Kundalini in Chicago.)

Dancing

I’ve been dancing circles around writing this blog for weeks now.  Struggling with how to express the ineffable. Waiting and hoping for a catharsis to make things clearer.  Come on Kundalini!!!

IMG_2172

Do you ever just feel so close to something, you know, that “thing?”  So close to an understanding, hitting a mark, or perfecting some skill?  Yet it somehow remains elusive.

I get these glimpses…

IMG_2175

In the world of aerial silks to execute a drop/trick, one wraps the fabric around the body.  It’s wrapped to create a lock or catch somewhere on the body to finish the drop (so you don’t splat land) and also to allow the fabric to unwind and untwist all pretty like before catching. After wrapping and before letting go into the drop there is a moment.  It’s in this moment, whilst dangling up in the air 15-30 or more feet, that a nasty thought sneaks in.

FEAR!

images-1

“Ummm, is this a good idea? Did I wrap right?  Should I really do this?  I’m supposed to keep my legs straight, what if I forget?”  Deciding not to drop and unwrapping is usually more difficult (and traumatically humbling) then just letting go and doing the drop.

Then the drop.  The drop unfolds, body flying and twirling through space.  Holding steady physically and mentally, and opening to the experience.  Gravity/weight pulls you downward and the catch stops you from crash splatting into the earth.

Liberation is in the drop.

Expansiveness. Love.

I am writing this here blog now, despite my not feeling ready, as an act of letting go and dropping. Perhaps leading me to a catharsis.

Kundalini

In Part I, Fear And Kundalini In Chicago, I wrote a bit about what kundalini is and it’s affects on me. If you are wondering about kundalini energy, please have a look here.

c08d9d163a83f0980508bb3341df68df

During my last six-week class at Invision School of Psychic Abilities participants met their kundalini  energy and explored it in various ways.  We invited this energy to circulate through various body systems and energetic channels, finally directing it through our chakras.

It was great doing this in a class under the careful and expert guidance of Christopher Rhodes.

For me, the kundalini seemed to melt away some fears, helping me to shift in my approach to my life.  What I felt from this shifting was an expansion of my psyche, perhaps a loosening of my constrictions and self-imposed limitations.  (I am forever a liberation seeking missile.)

Love

The most powerful kundalini experiences for me, during these six weeks, occured while running kundalini energy through my heart system (physical body system) and heart chakra (energy system).

chakras

Sitting at dawn on my little back porch, on my funky pink alley-find chair, surrounded by my books and perfumes and project clutter. I meditated and ran kundalini through my heart system.

IMG_2129

Here is where it gets ineffable, and so very so close almost catharsis oh so closeish…. oooohh (major sigh) the sweetness of kundalini in the heart…

Unknown-1

The tenderness and depth of my heart – the kind that brings a gentle tasty tear.  There it was.  The sweetness melted throughout my chest and radiated down my arms and legs. It expanded outside of me throughout my liminal, auric body. It expanded beyond me. For an instant it melted boundaries and I felt limitless.

Yes, it’s true what is said – It’s all about love, baby. It’s all love.

Then it slipped away, but it left an imprint, I took this little pic to remember.

IMG_1753

This experience reminded me of another brief glimpse of oh so closeness.

Apparently at times kundalini can spontaneously arise.  For example, if a person needs special healing.  When first I practiced yoga I felt this, but didn’t know what it was.  From the base of my spine and then upwards until my entire body would tingle, inside and out.

At that time, I frequented a small fountain on my bike path route. I’d meditate there.

IMG_1749

I remember once meditating there while in struggle mode – PDMLCTSD (Post-divorce-midlife-crisis-traumatic-stress-disorder.)  Yeesh, I was more than a bit of a mess.  Struggling with the fear of loosing love of all kinds.  Terrified of loving again for fear of broken heartedness or hurting anyone (think I’m not alone here.)

Then energy welling up – yup, kundalini. And with it an immense feeling of infinity and warmth and love.

I still see it now.  Everything a beautiful, fresh, impressionist painting,  I can smear and blur it with my hand if I choose. The trees, leaves, the fountain, and my image reflected in the water – all impermanent and beautiful yet unreal.  The real?  A joyful sense of connectedness to a thing beyond myself, and that thing?   Love.

Mind-blowing,  heart-splitting, soul-liberating love.

Again, it slipped away.  But again, it left its imprint.

IMG_2057

What would be it be like to move through life with this love?  Must be what the saints and masters do.

Would I feel too vulnerable?  Life can be so freakin’ hard – or maybe that is the catharsis that is just within reach, so close, so close, waiting to explode or implode inside of me…

Then I would look like this picture…

images-1

Goals and Love

In Fear And Kundalini In Chicago I wrote of intention and goal. Living with intention as a way of being and opening to life.  While I’m still a fan of intention, and more of an intention person by nature, I’m reflecting on goal setting as an act of great love. It demands faith in the self and trust that you are connected.  Love!

Coming back to the silks, it requires you let go and execute the drop.  Have the faith that when you let go and release into your silks drop your wrap job and the laws of gravity and nature will catch you. An infinite cradle of love, awww. I know it’s corny but TRUE!

I’m working my way through One Spirit Medicine by Alberto Villoldo. (I highly recommend this book.) He writes of his own experience similar to my love-crisis epiphany quoting the great poet Rumi, “For I have ceased to exist, only you are here.”

Knowing I myself am love, that we are all love, we can move forward.  Set goals.  Accomplish dreams.

Signs and More

Ok, so even though I am still only close-ish I get this sense of knowing, confirmed by signs.  See, when one is moving with this energy of openness/faith/love, synchronicity happens.  For example, one ponders an idea and information presents itself.  All over the seemingly random place.  The information comes from the cash register dude when he gives you your change, or it’s written on a piece of garbage by your car door.  Hey!  Stops you in your tracks!  This has been happening like crazy to me…

Also I get this sense that after this heart bath the kundalini is moving ever upwards.  Through my (healed) throat, into my skull and hopefully up and out of my crown chakra.

I can feel it coming!

Perhaps I’ll be like one of those heart bloomed open saints – just pouring out the top of my head and enveloping me.  Then I’ll just look like this…

images-2

Yee haw.  Imagine that climbing the silks!

Dearest Reader, I would love to hear any similar experiences you have had.  Did you move it all up and out of the crown chakra?

Fear And Kundalini In Chicago

(A two part blog.  The sequel will be Love And Kundalini In Chicago.)

Watch This Short Video!

That’s me doing an ankle drop in aerial silks. (Silks are my hobby.) Falling backwards is scary to me, as it is for lots of folks.  My brilliant silks teacher, at Aloftloft in Chicago, Zoe Sheppard, finished off our year in 2014 with a bunch of scary drops.  We got out the big red mat, and I think I did all of them.  With lots of encouragement from my classmates, and patience from Zoe. Thanks, Zoe.

No really, thanks, Zoe!

Thanks, because it deepened my contemplation about fear and things that hold me back in life, and then resulted in me deciding my theme for 2015 is fearlessness. Not exactly a resolution, nor a goal, more of an intention, as we refer to it in the yoga world.

In yoga we talk about setting an intention, an intention is not oriented towards achieving a specific outcome.  For example, “today I will balance in handstand” = goal.  Intention is more about a path one is taking.  Setting an intention is based on what matters to you, and then aligning actions and attitudes.  How you want to “be” in the present moment.  And what are you opening to in your life.  “Today I will explore fearlessness in handstand.”

IMG_0068

Actually, I was even considering this as my year theme before Brilliant Zoe’s class. Isn’t it wonderfully mystically curious how these things happen? I decided I need more fearlessness, and the opportunity manifests. The ankle drop challenge solidified and brought clarification.

Honestly, I am not sure how I am doing with this intention.  I may have waylaid it in the dregs of our endless Chicago winter.

images-1

But I have reconnected with it again lately. Which brings me to my next topic,

KUNDALINI!

c08d9d163a83f0980508bb3341df68df

I recently took a wonderful class about kundalini energy meditation at InVision School for Psychic Abilities.  (Promise to write more about this fabulous place soon.)  I believe it is the exploration of the Kundalini energy which reawakened my theme of fearlessness. Things have began to move for me again.

colorful-spiral

In fact it is the class that birthed this blog site.

It went like this.  One morning, about two weeks into the six week class, I woke up and created verdant faerie, very literally.  At 5:00 a.m.   I hadn’t even conceived of this site yet.  Feeling stuck in my life and wanting to move forward with various things or just something/ANYTHING… I needed a jump… Quite suddenly this blog site manifested. AND got me moving forward on some other projects that have been lying dormant.

What is it anyway, this kundalini?  From my novice understanding of kundalini (Sanskrit word) I’ll describe it is is an individual’s personal source of energy located at the base of the spine.  It is near to and related to the first chakra.

chakra2

chakras

Kundalini energy lies in all of us, dormant, for the most part. It is coiled there, at the base of the spine, waiting to climb up the energy channels along the spine or through the chakras. Kundalini also has its own specific paths through the body.  It is often depicted as a coiled snake with three coils. Its symbolic image is found in various places throughout the world and in history.

caduceus-seven-chakras-kundalini-energy-48159369

Kundalini energy is very powerful and is, in fact, sometimes feared.   True, kundalini should be explored with care.  There’s plenty of talk and info out there about negative effects of the rising of the Kundalini energy.  Some even claim it is the devil’s work.

While I do NOT believe it is the devil’s domain, I do think that it should be explored with respect and awareness.  Even when explored by a skillful mystic, the body’s adjustment to the Kundalini energy can possibly be a bit rough.  With reports of body shakes and high fever or disorientation.

In aerial arts there is plenty of talk about fearing heights or fearing certain drops.  (Part of the thrill, after all).  What I have come to realize is that respecting the danger of the drop is required, but the fear is really not helpful, at all.  In silks, to honor my intention, I am trying not to shriek in terror every time Zoe demos for us an exciting drop.  Rather, respect the power of it and pay attention, yes, but try to calm the fear which clouds the brain and makes the body do weird unhelpful things (flail and bite the fabric).  And then explore and experience.  (Not shriek.)

I find it is the same for exploring kundalini energy meditation.

Kundalini is offered once a year at InVision.  It is offered for folks with previous experience in meditation.   During our six week class our fantastic teacher and guide, Christopher Rhodes built upon the depth of exploration.  Always checking in and making sure we felt safe.  Some of us did have physical reactions.  Some adjusted pretty easily.  But feeling safe, calm, and open was key.

Although, here’s something that’s a little difficult to explain. Sometimes these physical reactions are a part of the kundalini energy ‘magic’ as it clears out blocks and restrictions.

How do you get it?  This kundalini.

There are many ancient traditions involving very specific breath and meditation techniques.  Often the chanting of mantra is employed.  While you just have to take a class at InVision (or elsewhere), to learn it for yourself, I will say that at InVision we did not use chanting or complex breathing.  We were led in meditation, InVision style, to get grounded.  We breathed deep and learned various ways to explore and move the kundalini.

chakra

Kundalini energy moves upward.  When it rises it brings movement, vitality, healing .  For me, it did several things.  Notably it burned through fears and lessened resistance to moving forward.  It allowed me to acknowledge dreams I have, things I have been suppressing.  To speak them aloud.

kundalini

Kundalini seems to have released some of that Fight or Flight Response that was sticking me.  Taking me out of overactive adrenal stress and activating the areas of my brain not associated with this response.  In that six week period of time during the class we ran kundalini energy every day.   I was riding a powerful flow wave.  To me, it felt pretty sparkly, but smooth.

brain-on-fear-infographic2

Of course, sometimes fear is a good thing.  It alerts us to real dangers.  But we don’t want to stay there.  And it is so easy in this modern world.  With slashing media and especially if you are an urban person.  But it’s less than ideal to consistently operate in this mode.

I recently heard an interview on Bulletproof Radio with Eduardo Villoldo.  Eduardo Villoldo is a Shaman and author of the book One Spirit Medicine.  Highly recommend the book and the interview.  Shaman Villoldo (is that how one titles a Shaman?) tells how the shamans speak of the need to get the jaguar out of the tree.  Where it climbed in fear and is out of control.  Bring it down where it belongs, lounging and relaxing at the base of the tree.  That’s where we want our own personal, jaguars so we can be calm and brave and wise…

images-3

To launch websites, drop backwards, and follow dreams.

When I welcomed kundalini in the area of my throat, mouth, chest, I felt a massive amount of clearing, or activation.  Less clenching, more space.  I know, more space sounds woo woo, but I don’t know how else to explain it.  Not surprisingly, this area is all about expression.  Again not surprisingly, a blog site to express and clarify my thoughts, experiences, visions, and dreams was born.

Ironically I had this experience.  I worked on verdant faerie for several weeks before going public.  Then it was time to launch.  Still so much resistance and fear in me.  It’s such an unfamiliar and new arena for me, personal blogging and a website.  And a very solo project for me, a creature hailing from the ensemble world of theatre.  So much fear that I got a severe cold and lung virus and even developed laryngitis!!!   Could NOT speak – express myself.

How mystically ironic is that?

So I launched.

Unknown-1

But this virus…  Where does it fit?  Clearly I have more kundalini energy meditation to do.  I feel I have merely scratched the surface.  Yet this virus…  Unpleasant as it is/was, has important information for me.  Its part of my healing and clearing.  Even after launching the virus allowed me to see deeper into a lot of other larger truths I have been avoiding.

A huge one I realize is the loss of myself as a creative being.  When I left my job of 17 years as a theatre teacher/director 2 years ago I was burnt out.  Burnt on the job, on the struggle to make ends meet in a creative position, and on life’s many demands.  Too burnt out to continue with the struggle to be a productive and creative person.  Now after coming around the bend, and with this kundalini energy reaction, I see how much I miss creating.  How I miss collaboration and expression.  Longing for my artist self.

Wonder what I’ll  do about that.

There’s more about my whole transition, letting go of the job.  The technicalities.  I think I will kundalini energy meditate more and see what happens.  I’ll report in another blog.

In the meantime I have this blog right here and now.  And I’m about to push publish…  And I have you, dear friend.  Thanks for reading.

Rainbow-Journey-Through-The-Chakras

Dear Reader, have you had any experiences with kundalini energy?