Love and Kundalini In Chicago
(This blog is part II following Fear and Kundalini in Chicago.)
I’ve been dancing circles around writing this blog for weeks now. Struggling with how to express the ineffable. Waiting and hoping for a catharsis to make things clearer. Come on Kundalini!!!
Do you ever just feel so close to something, you know, that “thing?” So close to an understanding, hitting a mark, or perfecting some skill? Yet it somehow remains elusive.
I get these glimpses…
In the world of aerial silks to execute a drop/trick, one wraps the fabric around the body. It’s wrapped to create a lock or catch somewhere on the body to finish the drop (so you don’t splat land) and also to allow the fabric to unwind and untwist all pretty like before catching. After wrapping and before letting go into the drop there is a moment. It’s in this moment, whilst dangling up in the air 15-30 or more feet, that a nasty thought sneaks in.
“Ummm, is this a good idea? Did I wrap right? Should I really do this? I’m supposed to keep my legs straight, what if I forget?” Deciding not to drop and unwrapping is usually more difficult (and traumatically humbling) then just letting go and doing the drop.
Then the drop. The drop unfolds, body flying and twirling through space. Holding steady physically and mentally, and opening to the experience. Gravity/weight pulls you downward and the catch stops you from crash splatting into the earth.
Liberation is in the drop.
I am writing this here blog now, despite my not feeling ready, as an act of letting go and dropping. Perhaps leading me to a catharsis.
In Part I, Fear And Kundalini In Chicago, I wrote a bit about what kundalini is and it’s affects on me. If you are wondering about kundalini energy, please have a look here.
During my last six-week class at Invision School of Psychic Abilities participants met their kundalini energy and explored it in various ways. We invited this energy to circulate through various body systems and energetic channels, finally directing it through our chakras.
It was great doing this in a class under the careful and expert guidance of Christopher Rhodes.
For me, the kundalini seemed to melt away some fears, helping me to shift in my approach to my life. What I felt from this shifting was an expansion of my psyche, perhaps a loosening of my constrictions and self-imposed limitations. (I am forever a liberation seeking missile.)
The most powerful kundalini experiences for me, during these six weeks, occured while running kundalini energy through my heart system (physical body system) and heart chakra (energy system).
Sitting at dawn on my little back porch, on my funky pink alley-find chair, surrounded by my books and perfumes and project clutter. I meditated and ran kundalini through my heart system.
Here is where it gets ineffable, and so very so close almost catharsis oh so closeish…. oooohh (major sigh) the sweetness of kundalini in the heart…
The tenderness and depth of my heart – the kind that brings a gentle tasty tear. There it was. The sweetness melted throughout my chest and radiated down my arms and legs. It expanded outside of me throughout my liminal, auric body. It expanded beyond me. For an instant it melted boundaries and I felt limitless.
Yes, it’s true what is said – It’s all about love, baby. It’s all love.
Then it slipped away, but it left an imprint, I took this little pic to remember.
This experience reminded me of another brief glimpse of oh so closeness.
Apparently at times kundalini can spontaneously arise. For example, if a person needs special healing. When first I practiced yoga I felt this, but didn’t know what it was. From the base of my spine and then upwards until my entire body would tingle, inside and out.
At that time, I frequented a small fountain on my bike path route. I’d meditate there.
I remember once meditating there while in struggle mode – PDMLCTSD (Post-divorce-midlife-crisis-traumatic-stress-disorder.) Yeesh, I was more than a bit of a mess. Struggling with the fear of loosing love of all kinds. Terrified of loving again for fear of broken heartedness or hurting anyone (think I’m not alone here.)
Then energy welling up – yup, kundalini. And with it an immense feeling of infinity and warmth and love.
I still see it now. Everything a beautiful, fresh, impressionist painting, I can smear and blur it with my hand if I choose. The trees, leaves, the fountain, and my image reflected in the water – all impermanent and beautiful yet unreal. The real? A joyful sense of connectedness to a thing beyond myself, and that thing? Love.
Mind-blowing, heart-splitting, soul-liberating love.
Again, it slipped away. But again, it left its imprint.
What would be it be like to move through life with this love? Must be what the saints and masters do.
Would I feel too vulnerable? Life can be so freakin’ hard – or maybe that is the catharsis that is just within reach, so close, so close, waiting to explode or implode inside of me…
Then I would look like this picture…
Goals and Love
In Fear And Kundalini In Chicago I wrote of intention and goal. Living with intention as a way of being and opening to life. While I’m still a fan of intention, and more of an intention person by nature, I’m reflecting on goal setting as an act of great love. It demands faith in the self and trust that you are connected. Love!
Coming back to the silks, it requires you let go and execute the drop. Have the faith that when you let go and release into your silks drop your wrap job and the laws of gravity and nature will catch you. An infinite cradle of love, awww. I know it’s corny but TRUE!
I’m working my way through One Spirit Medicine by Alberto Villoldo. (I highly recommend this book.) He writes of his own experience similar to my love-crisis epiphany quoting the great poet Rumi, “For I have ceased to exist, only you are here.”
Knowing I myself am love, that we are all love, we can move forward. Set goals. Accomplish dreams.
Signs and More
Ok, so even though I am still only close-ish I get this sense of knowing, confirmed by signs. See, when one is moving with this energy of openness/faith/love, synchronicity happens. For example, one ponders an idea and information presents itself. All over the seemingly random place. The information comes from the cash register dude when he gives you your change, or it’s written on a piece of garbage by your car door. Hey! Stops you in your tracks! This has been happening like crazy to me…
Also I get this sense that after this heart bath the kundalini is moving ever upwards. Through my (healed) throat, into my skull and hopefully up and out of my crown chakra.
I can feel it coming!
Perhaps I’ll be like one of those heart bloomed open saints – just pouring out the top of my head and enveloping me. Then I’ll just look like this…
Yee haw. Imagine that climbing the silks!
Dearest Reader, I would love to hear any similar experiences you have had. Did you move it all up and out of the crown chakra?